Funny satire stories about Poetry

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The Lighthouse Keeper - A Prose Poem

Mr Jones, the Lighthouse Keeper, had an ever increasing collection of masks, finding them on Amazon, going for a song on Ebay, fading celebrities, an Amazonian Warrior, Donald Trump, the colour of desperation, everyday waiting for the knock. The Postman whistling his happy little tune, handing over the packages, waiting for the signatures, the always offered cup of tea, wanting to g...

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Good Poet turns up for Poetry open mike night

Funny story: Good Poet turns up for Poetry open mike night

There was consternation in Chutney on the Fritz when a fairly decent writer, who doesn't bang on about his poetry on social media turned up for the Words Matter poetry night in the King's Bottom on Wednesday night. Deirdre Rhyming Couplet from the...

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Funny story: Deranged

This is a poem about going mad. Possibly about having already gone mad. I thought it up whilst on a bus, stuck in traffic in Bangkok. That city may have been a contributory factor in my downward spiral. Life, like the heat, is intense there, and an extended period of intensity can have an extraordinary effect on someone, particularly someone who spends a long time in isolation, away from anyon...

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I've always drunk water EVER so cold And have done since I was 15 months old Afore that, kind Sirs, I'm bound to admit I was keen for a suck of me dear old mam's tit And sometimes, still am. Oh, please, Sirs, I beg you! Don't scold me! Don't chide! From your derision, 'tis true, I have nowhere to hide Don't hate me! Don't slate me! It's a lie! I'm not cheap! (Though it's true I once had...

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Writing On The Wall

Funny story: Writing On The Wall

I'm the cat amongst your pigeons I'm the writing on your wall I'm the black sheep in your family No, I don't fit in at all I'm the sight that raises eyebrows The cause of nervous coughs The fly in soup and ointment The cap that's never doffed It's me! The spanner in the works The dust speck in your eye When everything seems out of sync You know that I'm nearby I'm the scalpel lef...

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Ode to an Ex

Funny story: Ode to an Ex

Hag, slag, you filthy old bag! Your minge is a sewer, your titties, they sag You can't call me squeamish, but I had to gag When I saw your pug-mug in that tacky slut mag Your 'friends' they all hate you, your pimp is a fag Trundlin' along in his clapped-out old Jag Your looks, about which, no cretin would brag Ho', that no right-minded being would shag Explanation for thi...

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The White Stuff

Funny story: The White Stuff

I like milk, I'm inclined to say, And I drink it keenly, ev'ry day One me Corn Flakes, in me tea, Sans milk, the same, it would not be Does the milkmaid, on her stool Know the bliss she brings this fool? Udder clenched - then, without fail The white stuff spurts into her pail! And then the milkman, on his float Provides according to Mum's note Chilled and pure as driven snow The mil...

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Leave Them Alone

Funny story: Leave Them Alone

Ants, ants, ants They're not very nice Weird little bodies Creeping, crawling, swarming But they're all 'people' If we go back far enough They can't help their nasty habits So leave them alone Bees, bees, bees They're not very nice Black and yellow Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing But they're all 'people' If we go back far enough They can't help their nasty habits, so leave them alone...

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Kobe Bryant's poem about retiring from basketball isn't so bad, so all you 'literary' and writing hacks need to lighten up!

Funny story: Kobe Bryant's poem about retiring from basketball isn't so bad, so all you 'literary' and writing hacks need to lighten up!

Kobe Bryant wrote a heartfelt poem about retiring from NBA Basketball and all he's faced, just about, is flagrant abuse from some members of the writing community. Sure, some die-hard Kobe and Lakers fans think Shakespeare or Chaucer actually wrote t...

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Giddy Up You Old Fool

Funny story: Giddy Up You Old Fool

I've ridden the wicked draw that runs from shytown to the edge of the heinous herd that abomination of unspeakables which propagates fear in the dreams of the unweary in the center of that heinous herd you will find the apocalypse sitting smug, wrapped in oil skins on a heap of 2 day old horned imp skulls Giddy up you old fool The heinous herd was an abomination that even all of hell reject...

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Trump shocks poetry world

For National Poetry Month, Walt Whitman's recent return from the dead for his reading of "Song of Myself" was overshadowed by the shocking arrival of Donald Trump, who said that he had not heard of Whitman, but was intrigued by the title, which he thought was "Shlong of Myself," and by prospects for spontaneous "call and response." However, sources confirm that his outbursts merely echoed phrases...

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Brendan Behan Poem Discovered

Funny story: Brendan Behan Poem Discovered

Among the belongings of the late great Irish writer and dramatist Brendan Behan has been discovered a short Romantic poem. Seemingly, Behan had visited the great Irish jump race meeting at Cheltenham in the spring of 1961 and wrote the poem on the back of a bookie slip that he evidently intended to throw away. It may well have been written by him for his own amusement. It is a parody on the wo...

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The Second Coming (for the Grand Obsolescent Party)

Funny story: The Second Coming (for the Grand Obsolescent Party)

(With apologies to William Butler Yeats) Churning and churning in the miasmic mire The Tea Party cannot stand the Moderates; Things fall apart; the center cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the GOP; The Wing-nut tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of common sense is drowned; The best lack all compassion, while the worst Are full of fanatic in...

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Poem found as undecipherable as any in the New Yorker

Dear Poetry Fans, I found the most interesting poem yesterday when I was thumbing through the "Baseball Digest," from August 15, 1987. I was looking over some old baseball cards I had examining the edges and looking for creases. I wanted to see what they were worth. There is a certain quality to the poem that I can't describe. I want to share it with you.

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IntCom Guerilla (Parody of Hawkind: Urban Guerilla)

I'm an IntCom guerrilla Trade wars to the highest seller I'm a tinpot Godzilla Universal kiddy-killer I'm a street-bombing prancer A global-heating moral cancer A swift-declining Panzer Double-serpent-tongued pretender But let's not talk about peace and ethics And kids that don't explode We're losing all of our respect and honour Universal chaos motherlode, yeah baby A humanitari...

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Small talk - a poem

Funny story: Small talk - a poem

I'm just no good at small talk Narrow and bijou Microscopic and minute Sorry, what do you do? Dinky winky, little, dwarf Incy wincy, klein Matchbox, kneehigh and compact Can I top up your wine? Teensy weensy, minimal Teeny weeny, wee Itsy bitsy, miniscule Would you like a cup of tea? Baby, mini, miniature Shrunken, titchy, speck Narrow, nipper, iota, mite Get naked? What the h...

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Ode to Birth Control by J.S. Shaw

Funny story: Ode to Birth Control by J.S. Shaw

It's obvious my uterus has seen a better day. Too many years invested, in erotic sexual play. Committed now to aging with grace its duty done. A child carries on my name - a generation comes. My sex life is a private matter, I care not to discuss. Why Politicians think they speak ... for my uterus. Men are lusty school boys - ask any Catholic wife. If it wasn't for contraception, we'd be...

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A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

Funny story: A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens They may cause our lives not to have happy ends The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours The Neanderthal Health Servic...

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