Written by Earl Grey

Friday, 24 April 2009

image for Burkas Denied Right To Settle In Uk
There Were No Pictures Of A Burka Available For Comment Earlier Today

The Government today announced that Burkas were to be denied the right to settle in the UK unless special circumstances were present. Originally the Government had lost in court, but on appeal the High Court found the Government's argument to be of merit.

Lord Dullarse said "I was very moved by the arguments of the Home Secretary. She has been suffering a great deal of stress recently with her husband's addiction to porn. So we have decided to not allow the Burkas to settle."

Human rights groups have protested. "Burkas have done a great service to many people in this country and will continue to do so," said their legal representative Joanna Luvely, "I think we need to stand and fight on this issue."

However, the decision to appoint a plummy actress as legal counsel appears to have backfired. Although Miss Luvely has portrayed a lawyer in her acting past it was quite another thing in court.

Burkas are thought to be planning to appeal. If a Burka appeals to you please contact us. We can provide you with details of a help desk.

The Government was unrepentant. "They are not British. I don't care what they do for us. Burkas are not British. Not like the Queen (German), her husband (Greek), cricket (invented in Belguim), tea (China, India, Ceylon), brave soldiers (Nepal) or Jim Davidson."

Meanwhile seminal pub rock band the Lurkers were concerned that they might be next on the list. "There's gonna be a right fall out in Fulham over this" said a spokesperson.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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