Government clarify new Gurkha admission rules

Funny story written by The Red Menace

Friday, 24 April 2009

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In a press release this morning, the Government has clarified the criteria by which soldiers serving with the famous Gurkha regiment will be eligible to settle in the UK.

"Our new admissions policy means that almost all members of the Gurkha regiment will be eligible to fill out a form" said the Home Office, "though they will have to supply their own pen. And form" they added.

The new five-point criteria have been set out in a page long document that has taken the Government four months to write at a cost of several million pounds.

Under the new rules, Gurkha's will be considered for citizenship if; 1, they have served with the British Army for over 25 years and have collected ten thousands Tesco Clubcard points; 2, were born in the UK and or have a mother and father who were born in the UK and are members of a Cheltenham gymkhana; 3, have a season ticket for Glyndbourne; 4, eaten at the officers mess at Sandhurst on at least four occasions, and; 5, are over six foot five, have blonde hair and blue eyes.

Many campaign groups have been outraged by the Governments decision and have labelled it a betrayal of trust, but the Home Office remains unrepentant.

"The issue of immigration is always a difficult one, but ultimately we have to be very selective about what kind of people we let in the UK" said a spokesperson

"As a Government we have to ask ourselves whether these honourable soldiers and brave men who have shown they are prepared to lay down their lives for Great Britain are fit and proper persons to settle in the UK."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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