A porn shop manager in Little Newsworthy-sub-Headline, East Wessex, today denied he had hired a Home Secretary for the weekend.
'Go away!', he shouted from his shop, True Blue Jackie's, 'I deny it all! I just buy and sell, and often watch, pornography. If you continue to print the allegations that I would lower myself to hire a Home Secretary, or even a local councillor, you'll be hearing from my solicitors!'
The manager is married to famous Page Three girl Sam Dalmatian, and some were wondering if it was her that had actually hired the Cabinet Minister, but to save too much scandal got her husband to be blamed by the press, as she's famous and he isn't. Miss Dalmatian - 88", 12", 89", 22" - said: 'Don't be silly, if that was true then I'd have paid for it!'
Perhaps legendary detective Shylock Holmes could solve this mysterious payment, and we contacted him in Baker Street to ask for his help.
'Sorry, I don't take on such easy cases', he said, tuning up his violin, 'it's quite elementary. Elementary, you fools!', and started playing Vivaldi's 'Blackboard Nail Concerto' in C, before turning in for the night with some opium, and a copy of 'Fiddling The Expenses, Then Fiddling With Miss Smith'.
Dr. Watson was at True Blue Jackie's, to hire Sam Dalmatian's 'Labour Of Love Rather Than Loving My Husband'.
