Universities across Britain today introduced a new degree today - Scousology.
New professor of Scousology at Oxford University, R A Billy, said: 'This is the way forward for education in this country, just like awarding Victoria Crosses to token nobodies who only do what every soldier does every day is the way forward. Scousology is an important and growing science, and one that - oh, hold on I'll have to leave for a minute, someone's trying to steal my hubcaps in the carpark.'
And in nearby Cambridge, Professor Liftertrousen added: 'Scousology will revolutionise the world as we know it. Graduates in the science will soon be making enormous amounts of money, by appearing on BBC news programmes to talk about education, and those that specialise in Heyselistics or Hillsborougtonics will be especially employable. Even those that follow the Cheekichappimacca version of Scousology will be leading the world, in what one MIT doctor called 'a bunch of scallies screwing the social for a few beers with me mates'.
Legendary scientist Albert Einstein had this to say about Scousology. 'Array, calm down, calm down, what time's Brookie on?, etc etc.', to much laughter from the rest of Britain. 'Scousology isn't about quantum theory or the space time continuum, it's about following the Toffees, getting ratarsed and pinching your neighbour's stereo.'
'Trust me, all my best work was done in Liverpool 8. And now, at last, everyone who can genuinely spell 'Anfield' with one 'n' will be awarded a Scousology degree. Plate of soup, please.' Labour Education Minister Baron Tori Spinells said: 'The rumour that soon anyone in Britain who can spell 'spell' will get a degree is untrue. It's spelled 'spellt'.'
Gordon 'Gordo' Brown was trying to write his resignation speech today, but hadn't yet got a degree in Scousology, so had to use basic English and his own typewriter.