The Surgeon General of the United States Of America, a close friend the President elect, Barack Whotsisname, tonight advised Scousers to calm down.
Sky sports were this evening inundated with calls from squeaky voiced Scousers distraught by their team's abject performance against Tottenham.
In an enthralling contest, Happy Harry's men ran rings round the Mickeys, and just to compound the humiliation, a player on loan from despised rivals Manchester United slotted a couple of goals.
Scousers were spotted around White Hart Lane following tonight's game actually walking alone.
Stress levels among Liverpool fans were said to be boiling up out of all proportion. Evertonians were being admitted to hospital suffering from ULS (Uncontrollable Laughter Syndrome)
A Burnley supporter, whose team this evening dispatched Chelsea on penalties was heard to say: 'Liverpool got a slapping. Yer, I really give a toss.'
