News on Gordon Brown today as Chancellor Allistair Darling has said that he has an addiction to flumps.
He says that Gordon just can't resist the temptation of the squidgy soft centre, the colourful, inviting exterior and of course, the memories of fun birthday parties, which he watched from behind the fence.
However leading addiction specialist, Dr. Mark Watson says that flump addiction is an increasing problem.
"Flump addiction is now at its worst height since the end of the flump rations during WWII. We are now seeing more and more people get their fix of flumps at all hours. Mr. Brown is setting an extremely bad example to young children by being a flump addict, and I suggest he attends Flump Faggots (FF) meeting in order to help combat the problem."
He continued by saying that
"Eating flumps in moderation won't do too much harm to the body, we recommend 4-5 units per day for men, and 2-3 for women. Also, you aren't to exceed 21 units of flumps per week, and you can't 'save up' units for the weekend.
Young people need to be aware that Flumps come under a number of nicknames; 'The Fluffy Teaser, Lack of speed, Craic, Cauldron, Flower, Whispering eye and, of course, the most common street name, F. They also need to make sure that what seems to be an ordinary marshmallow, may yet turn out to be something more sinister.
Flump sold on street corners is particluarly dangerous, they could have mixed anything into it, much like cocaine. Street dealers have been known to use talcum powder, rat poison, cigarette butts, dolphin vomit, cat sperm, beetle juice and even re-used flumps into the bargain."
BE AWARE, BE FLUMP AWARE.
Brought to you by the FATTIES (Flump Awareness To The Indian and English Sectors)