Scientists in Cern (Switzerland) have said that the Large Hadron Collider - LHC for short - may take at least 6 months to repair after it blew a gasket in October. However they are fully committed to restarting the experiments, which are hoped to reveal how everything gets created.
One insider said - "There's no need to worry next time when they start it up. Our monitoring and safety procedures worked brilliantly last time. A bloke in a white coat wearing glasses simply put down his coffeee, walked over to the wall socket and switched it off at the mains.
Meanwhile, Chancellor Alistair Darling has hailed the news that the LHC may be switched back on by the summer of 2009.
"Look - we're doing everything we can to provide the financial stimulus to get the economy moving again. We've already injected capital into the banking system, and we're also considering helping hard-pressed stockbrokers pay for their second cars by just giving them money. That big atom smashing thingy in Switzerland can help enormously too.
"Look - each time it breaks down, they've got to call in a whole army of electricians and IT Heldpesk people - do you know how much these guys charge for a callout ? And if there's a leak in the toilets or something, they'll need to call a plumber too - even bigger callout charges. All these things help to get the economy moving again.
"Then, when it gets up and running, no doubt Hello magazine will run exclusive interviews with people like the Beckhams on what the LHC means to them. People will buy the magazines, because these sort of stories affect their lives.
"Look - people said that the bloody thing could destroy the Earth once its up and running. If it doesn't, people will be so overjoyed that they'll go out and spend money just celebrating the fact that it didn't. It'll be like the Y2K reaction all over again - people will think 'What was all the fuss about ?' and just buy lots of shit. And if it does destroy us, then it won't matter. No need to worry about your credit card bill. It's clearly a win-win situation. Ya beauty. "
