Outbreak of Jaundice Linked to Yellow Highlighters

Written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 2 October 2008

image for Outbreak of Jaundice Linked to Yellow Highlighters
Yellow toned skin great excuse to get out of work

Originally labeled as a "Hepatic Jaundice" outbreak by the center for disease control, white collar offices in several major cities across the U.S. had reported a sudden increase in workers developing yellow shaded skin. Normally linked to liver disease and triggered by hepatitis, Doctors say that Jaundice changes the pigment of the skin to a yellow tone.

While doctors were busy managing a potential pandemic and coordinating efforts to control the outbreak, most patients with the yellow cast skin were advised to get lots of sun and consume drinks based on tomato juice or juice from sugarcane. These home remedies were prescribed while doctors waited for patient's blood tests to return from the lab.

In a related story, thousands of people had descended on beaches around the globe, partying with Bloody Mary and Mojito drinks. Several were seen in the water with a bar of soap, then coming out of the water with pink and healthy looking skin. One sunbather in Florida said, "It's amazing what you can do with a yellow highlighter and a little extra time in the bathroom stall."

Another group of mid-week beach combers was interviewed in California. One man said, "Thank God for 'fakeoutyourboss.com', they have great ideas for getting out of work. Next week I'm going to develop cold sweats at work with a spray bottle and ice water." One woman commented, "Next week I'm telling my boss that my nipples hurt." This reporter questioned her chance for success with that plan, mostly because she was blonde. She replied, "I'm pretty sure all I have to say is the word nipples, and I'm going to get the day off, stupid."

Office supply stores like Staples and Office Depot report being out of stock on all highlighter colors. A store representative commented, "I know about the website, but I don't get what body part they think they can color with blue." He continued, "Well, guys have one place where blue is a symptom, but I've never heard of that being a reason for getting out of work."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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