Millions Expected to Attend BNP Rally

Funny story written by Rusty

Saturday, 20 September 2008


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Millions Expected to Attend BNP Rally
Dilbert J. Rhubarby to lead massive BNP Protest Rally

BNP (British Nutcase Party) activists are due to rally in Stoke-on-Trent to protest the conviction and sentencing of an Asian man who killed a party member.

Habib White, (Asian / brown-skinned), was sentenced to 250 hours of community service and bound over to keep the peace after he was found guilty of the manslaughter of BNP activist Keith Brown (British / white-skinned / red-necked and honourary member of the US-based KKKK / Ku-Ku Klunts Klan).

The BNP, which has several rickety seats on Stoke-on-Trent City Council, believe White should have been convicted of murder and be executed according to BNP law : by having a firkin of bulimic leeches funnelled up his rectum.

White, 50, was convicted in May of the manslaughter of the 52-year-old Brown, whom he stabbed with a militarised Chinese spring roll in July 2007.

In what has become known as the 'Rainbow Trial' Stafford Crown Court heard how the two men had been involved in a long-running dispute over land.

The dispute started when White put in a planning application to build a multi-storey halal abattoir on his land several years before.

Brown objected and when permission was granted, he took steps to obstruct construction by erecting a series of six foot burning timber crucifixes in the driveway.

White told the court that living next door to Brown had been 'hell' with a capital 'H' and his family had been subjected to "racial hostility" by his neighbours, with regular Spam attacks being carried out : specifically half-eaten Spam sandwiches shoved through their letter box..

The court heard police evidence that White had killed Brown in a fight outside their homes in Xenophobia Street when he saw him trying to strangle his visiting nephew Azir Green (naturalised British / coffee-coloured).

Judge Ton-ton Tonking (Chinese / yellow-skinned) advised the media "What became obvious as the evidence unfolded, however, is that from time to time, despite denials to the contrary, both Brown and his stepson Slugsy Grey (British / blotchy pink-skinned) were involved in acts of racial aggression towards members of Mr. White's family."

Local BNP senior councillor, Frankie Suduko (Albanian / pale grey colour), told reporters the party would start a campaign to expose what has gone on as he viewed the verdict as "fuckin' bonkers."

"We've got me mate Brownie gettin' murdered just cos he was a bit of a ravin' loony racist who liked stranglin' little coloured twats, and this White bloke runs out into a public street with a razor-sharp spring roll and stabs 'im. Then this judge bloke says there's no case to answer. What's a judge know about the fuckin' law anyways. I'm gonna 'ave the bastard blackballed."

Chief Inspector Abonga Black (Jamaican / excellent sun tan) spokesman for Staffordshire Police, said the investigation into Keith Brown's death had been handled in a 'thorough and impartial manner by de brothers.'

The Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) Stoke branch told the media it hadn't wanted to get involved as the BNP's paramilitary hoodie thugs or some radical Islamic loonies might start tossing bricks, or worse, through their office windows whichever way they had arbitrated on the case.

White's barrister, Simon Redman, (very English / acned) informed reporters that police investigations into the various racist incidents often "came to nothing" because of "calamitous failures in the system" and that most of the officers involved had been ex-skinheads and closet members of the BNP, with their stunted IQ's being scored at the same grade as a troop of baboons.

Professor Mohammed al-Lavender, (Jordanian / bilious colour) Chief Janitor at Staffordshire University, who acted as Foreman of the trial jury, informed the media he was moving to a safer location. "I've sold me garden shed and am buggering off outa this dump before I gets torched."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more