Gordon Ramsey backs youth knife culture

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Gordon Ramsey backs youth knife culture
Gordon Ramsey poised to attack a fresh lettuce for salad

As the number of knife attacks increase in the UK, celebrity chef Gordon F Ramsey has come to the defence of youths involved.

"It is now more popular than ever to resort to using knives rather than swearing" he said, "but I think I am well-placed to comment about both, as I often use a knife and swear at the same time.

"I think the banning of knives is one step too far in the politically correct world. In fact, I think it is totally unreasonable to ban youths from using knives.

"I know of 4 tattooed, metal-pierced cretins who regularly use knives in each other's company. These four chaps, in their late teens, John, John, John and Archibold are in fact quite happy with their knives.

"Take away their knives.......well I personally think it would be pandemonium in the kitchen.

"For example, how can you expect John, John, John or Archibold to cut and prepare a sirloin steak, or carrots or to skin a hedgehog or a Japanese researched whale from WhaleSupplies-R-Us.......... using a spoon?

"Or a fork?

"Or a frying pan?

"Come on guys, get real! People like John, John, John and Archibold need knives in the kitchen.

"OK I appreciate John, John, John and Archibold are not too familiar with the use of cutlery in general, and they do eat with their mouths open, but to deny them knives is appalling.

"F***ing appalling!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot