British Airways is putting the final touches to long haul for passengers at its recently opened fiasco, Terminal 5. Destinations to be included are New York, New York (so good they named it twice), Beijing where you have to be careful a tank doesn't run you down, and Pheonix which has risen from the ashes.
Wally Willhe Wouldhe Walsh, Chief Executive of BA explains:
"We are totally confident, if not 100% sure, for definite and no ifs no buts that passengers to Terminal 5 are now in for the long haul.
"In fact we actually know that travellers arriving at Terminal 5 are in for a long haul. We can guarantee that many will experience, at the very least, a 24-hour delay, with long treks around the terminal thanks to malfunctioning escalators and massive waits as we lose their luggage or send it to Singapore when they are traveling to America. We have also engaged consultants to ensure there is completely inadequate signage in the retail areas so we can help passengers spend as much time around the shops paying the completely over the top prices that any captive audience in rip-off Britain deserves to pay.
"We also have a duty to our customers to make sure that there is insufficient seating so as to break the current Guinness Book record for passenger discomfort.
"We hope that passengers understand that keeping them on the ground for as long as possible will help towards making Terminal 5 the greenest terminal in the aviation world."