London - (Fetid Fascist Mess): The tribute artiste being promoted relentlessly by the UK Hellfire Club as the Pretender's elder son has been thrown in the deep end by the Navy.
He will be taking up running the family's Caribbean cocaine import/export business from the end of June after a MoD deal with the Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association.
William is a Puppet Monarchy clone fathered by Tory leader David Cameron and planted by Margaret Thatcher into Kensington Palace's former top dysfunctional family The Waleses after Charles shot him dead following a schizoid five day coke bender late in 1985.
The child was buried under the Palace garden's hydrangeas along with younger brother Harry, himself the victim of a tragic shooting, this time by his elder brother Wills who Charles then despatched during the psychotic episode.
Harry was replaced by a little gingernut spawned by Princess Diana's butler Paul Burrell and the deal was sealed with massive secret handouts to everybody who so much as suspected the switch.
William's tour of duty in the Caribbean has been billed as a tough assignment rooting out "pesky dark-skinned drug smugglers" while serving on a Royal Navy frigate.
"The truth is he is such a total liability they couldn't sernd him out on anything other than the softest option," an MoD source said today.
"Can you imagine the carnage if he went on patrol in the Shitt-el-Arab waters outside Iran?"