Written by victor nicholas

Monday, 2 June 2008

image for London Discovers Maasai Warriors Make Good Busmen
New recruits pass muster

Maasai warriors, known to be traditionally good herdsman in their native country Kenya, have translated their skills to good use as busmen keeping queues orderly and assisting passengers entering the London bus network.

"They are semi-nomadic and took to it right away" London Transport spokesman Robert Munster says. "At first I thought it was their fearsome appearance and sharp pointy spears and all, but people are getting on in a timely and orderly manner, even after football matches which has never happened before."

The Maasai warriors comfort passengers as they drive by singing in their native language Maa "Oooooh-yah, Oo ar oo ar ay, oo ar oo ar ay", inviting passengers to sing along using local football songs which are surprisingly similar.

Munster says "the Maasai busmen are a big hit; people think they are on holiday for regular fare, the drivers store extra tokens on their extended earlobes and spontaneously break into the Maasai jumping dance if they have to idle their buses for more than thirty seconds. At first passengers were frightened with the spears and what-not after but after awhile you realize it's not the spears but the Orinka throwing clubs you have to watch out for. They really hurt and the drivers are not afraid to use them."

So far only a few problems have cropped up. At first the Maasai busmen believed they owned the passengers once they were aboard and were reluctant to let their newfound wealth disembark. Munster says this problem seems to have sorted itself out. The drivers also used to drive their Routemasters to the outer circle of Regents Park at nightfall and herd passengers towards the inner circle to protect them from marrauding wild animals.

"We posted it as a flood alleviation scheme and had to divert some routes."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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