Cherie Blair, nee Booth, is giving advice to her husband, Anthony Hasbeen, so she said in this contrived interview.
Speaking to us from her home in Washington D.C., ex-porn star Miss Booth said: 'I wore the trousers in Downing Street, and I'm still wearing them now.'
Looking stunning in her air-brushed photograph, Mrs. Hasbeen stated: 'I never thought I could meet a bigger sap than my husband - until I met Gordon Brown, of course, he makes Tone look like Mussolini.'
In support of her self-publicity, outgoing American President, George W. Chimp, said: 'Where's the nearest Starbunkers?', then missed his vital putt on the crazy golf course he calls the White House. And, in an off-the-record deliberate leak, Mrs. Blair's PR agent, Mr. J. Goebbels, said: 'We tried to get her to go topless in the Sun, but when she said no we had to print this tripe. Oh well, at least it keeps fish'n'chips warm.'
Reports that Mrs. Hasbeen's sister, Lauren Booth, is a hundred times better-looking than her have been denied by Cherie herself, a few thousand times, but rumours still persist about it. Gordon Brown's wife was unavailable for comment.