That joke isn't funny anymore

Funny story written by Kent Pete

Wednesday, 7 May 2008


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London yesterday ; He loves a laugh.

It has just been revealed that disgusted fans of comic Jimmy London stormed out of a show last month after he allegedly molested a young woman on stage.

The tubby star, 53, picked the woman, aged around 20, from the audience and declared he wanted to be "inside" her.

He then made her lie down, groped her breasts and private parts and tried to pull up her skirt, members of the audience have claimed.

The funnyman earlier admitted to the crowd that he had no jokes and had turned up "to get laid".

But the act horrified fans at Globe Theatre in Manchester. One, journalist Mary Martin, asked: "Since when is sexual assault funny?"

Some audience members tried to justify it by suggesting the act was London's "stage persona" doing the groping.

However the joke went too far as London continued to have full sex with the audience member, cracking racist jokes as he did so. The matter has been further complicated by the fact that the 'victim' now claims to be carrying London's child.

Last night, an aide to the comedian merely giggled and insisted: "Jimmy has never been an orthodox performer. Anything can happen at one of his gigs, that is part of his appeal. I'm sorry but I think there is some overreacting going on here. If you want to watch a good clean family show maybe you should go to see Peter Kay!!"

It is believed that the alternative comic may have fathered around seven children in similar circumstances but due to a legal loophole protecting performers when they are in character, London is unlikely to face prosecution.

Talking to our Home Affairs correspondent, Chief Superintendant Paul McGregor said,

"The problem with the law as it stands is that anyone can commit a crime as long as they claim they are doing so as part of a stage act or public performance. We have already had a man dressed as Othello raiding a sub post office in Southampton. He got off on a technicality. When the assailant said to the shop assistant "Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them", she unfortunately replied "Who steals my purse steals trash.". It was deemed to be a work of art and the thug got away with over £10,000. There obviously needs to be a judicial review as soon as possible".

At this point a man with a large kitchen knife rushed towards us dressed as Luke Skywalker. Our reporter believed he had enough information and brought the interview to a close.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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