No Statutory Charges Pending Against Father of Jamie Lynn Spears Baby

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Thursday, 20 December 2007

image for No Statutory Charges Pending Against Father of Jamie Lynn Spears Baby
Jamie's baby won't have to visit her daddy here.

Hollywood police are not considering statutory charges against the 19 year old live-in boyfriend of 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears (actress and younger sister of Britney Spears). The actress and star of Zoey 101 announced today that she was 3 months pregnant by the man.

Police spokesman Xavier Danielson said that, "we know that this situation does not meet the age of consent laws for the public, and so the man in question should be charged. Even though she is under 18, he is not within the required two years of her age."

"People must remember, however, that there are two other factors at play here. Miss Spears is from Louisiana, where the legal age of consent is somewhere around nine. She is also a Hollywood actress, so the Celebrity Skank clause of the California Penal Code must come into play. This states that age of consent does not matter where actresses who have already splashed their assets all over the internet and have their own papparazzi camp followers are concerned."

"Besides, until DNA tests are run after the babies birth, we don't want another Anna Nicole's baby situation here where everyone claims to be the father."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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