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Funny satire stories about Lottery

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Trump Wins $1.6bn Mega Millions Jackpot as Ticket Holders Cry Foul

Funny story: Trump Wins $1.6bn Mega Millions Jackpot as Ticket Holders Cry Foul

A lottery ticket holder has scooped the largest jackpot in US history, and it just so happens that the "mystery winner" is none other than US "President" Donald J. Trump. Mega Millions Group director, Gordon Mendacious, said, "The moment we've be...

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Bird Shit On Man's Head

Funny story: Bird Shit On Man's Head

A man taking a relaxing stroll along a public footpath at a local golf course in Hull on Saturday evening, received the shock of his adult life when, from a height of approximately 10 metres, a bird shit on his bonce. The man, Moys Kenwood, was wa...

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The real reason Diane Abbott "Misspoke"

Funny story: The real reason Diane Abbott "Misspoke"

Having "misspoke" about the cost of Labour's pledge to provide 10,000 extra police officers for England and Wales, Shadow home secretary Diane Abbott has exclusively revealed that the true reason for the gaff, was due to the formulation of a new poli...

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Man on death bed wins lottery and promptly Gets Hit by Meteorite

Funny story: Man on death bed wins lottery and promptly Gets Hit by Meteorite

For 59 years and 121 days Lamar Astroloam spent every single day of his adult life playing the lottery. For 59 years and 121 days Lamar got nixed. So desperate to win the lottery, during his tenure on earth, Lamar had sacrificed two iphones and a l...

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New strapline for UK Lottery unveiled

Funny story: New strapline for UK Lottery unveiled

Camelnot, the bankers for the UK National lottery have today announced a new strapline prior to increasing the number of balls from 49 to 59 in each draw. Their existing strapline, "Play makes it possible", is being changed, based on the new lower...

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US Lottery Winner Chops Off Finger

Funny story: US Lottery Winner Chops Off Finger

One Sunday morning in Spring, David O'Malley interior decorator living alone in a run-down apartment in New York woke from a royal Irish hangover and set about reviving himself. Long since divorced from a childless marriage he had been living alone for over twenty years in bondage to a life of routine hard graft, restless sleep and the ritual weekend binges with his work mates in The Black Sham...

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Unluckiest Man In The World Wins Lottery

Funny story: Unluckiest Man In The World Wins Lottery

There was a real 'feelgood' factor in Manchester today as 'Unlucky' Alf Tragic finally tasted a bit of good fortune. He's been electrocuted whilst brushing his teeth, due to a faulty wire in his fancy electric toothbrush, fallen down an unguarded...

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Russell Brand's Democratic Lottery

Russell Brand is sick of the lottery being run purely by poncey squares, greedy plums and corrupt geezers, who cruelly and arbitrarily force people against their will to choose random numbers... In the vain hope that just on this one single, solit...

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Bill Gates Wins Two Lotteries in One Day; Has Yet to Pick Up the $211 Million Dollars

Funny story: Bill Gates Wins Two Lotteries in One Day; Has Yet to Pick Up the $211 Million Dollars

Redmond, Washington Bill Gates, the richest man in the Universe, recently won two lotteries worth a combined $211 million dollars. "Mr. Gates has yet to pick up the money, or even call and make arrangements. It's almost like he doesn't care. Who...

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A Gasoline Station In Aspen, Colorado Is Raking In The Bucks With Its Fabulous Marijuana Promotion

Funny story: A Gasoline Station In Aspen, Colorado Is Raking In The Bucks With Its Fabulous Marijuana Promotion

ASPEN, Colorado - Local residents of the ski resort town of Aspen are as happy as woodpeckers in a kitchen cabinet factory. The word has gotten out that The Big Tex Texaco Gasoline Station is giving customers who fill up their vehicles three marij...

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Detroit is Severely Criticised by Bankruptcy Manager for Not Disclosing Lottery Wins

Funny story: Detroit is Severely Criticised by Bankruptcy Manager for Not Disclosing Lottery Wins

Detroit, MI Detroit was chastised by the emergency bankruptcy manager for not revealing its lottery wins. It appears that Detroit has just been going out and having a good time and not letting the bankruptcy manager know about the windfalls. "It'...

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A Homeless Man In Illinois Wins $293 Million In The Lottery And Gives It To President Obama

Funny story: A Homeless Man In Illinois Wins $293 Million In The Lottery And Gives It To President Obama

CHICAGO - Melville Paxperkins has been a homeless man for 17 years. He said that he lost his house in a poker game back on Labor Day of 1996. Mr. Paxperkins has been hanging out at the same Chicago corner for the past 15 years and he says that eve...

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The Amazing $590 Million Powerball Winner's Surgery

Funny story: The Amazing $590 Million Powerball Winner's Surgery

ZEPHYRHILLS, Florida - Eighty-four-year-old Gloria C. MacKenzie the $590 million Powerball winner recently stated that one of the first things she is going to do is to get a complete makeover. And by that Ms. MacKenzie said that she just doesn't m...

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Lottery winner blows 1,8 million quid in five minutes!

Funny story: Lottery winner blows 1,8 million quid in five minutes!

A UK Lottery winner has told the world how to blow 1,8 million quid in 5 minutes in a BBC interview and does not expect one ounce of sympathy; well he aint going to get any. He listed his purchases and is claiming a place in the "Guiness book of r...

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Couple win Albanian lottery

Funny story: Couple win Albanian lottery

A couple from the north of England want to remain anonymous after scooping the biggest prize in the Albanian national lottery, and for some reason, wish to stay anonymous. One of the poorest countries in the world, Albania have struggled to pay ba...

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Another Lottery Millionaire reveals herself

Funny story: Another Lottery Millionaire reveals herself

There was good news from lottery organisers, who have been concerned of late about the number of unclaimed winning tickets from various games. Despite scantily clad women pushing the button to operate the machines every Saturday on BBC1, there are...

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Barking kebab take-away owner loses winning £63.8m EuroSquillions ticket

Funny story: Barking kebab take-away owner loses winning £63.8m EuroSquillions ticket

Isle of Dogs - A late night fast food cafe owner is in shock this weekend after a trainee put the winning lottery ticket inside a customer's take away kebab. Five numbers and the two all-important star balls came up trumps for Barking Blue Moon Ke...

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Cheese makes an ideal time machine

Funny story: Cheese makes an ideal time machine

Cheddar or Gouda, Brie or Edam, it turns out that the congealed mess that is left if you leave milk in the sun can form the basis of a working time machine. "We noticed that the vacuoles of air inside a cheese were remarkably dense," said Professo...

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Breaking news…

Trump Family Publishes List of Places They Will Build New Trump Hotels

Coincidentally, they are all located in countries with no extradition treaty with the U.S.
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