AUSTIN - (Satire News) - One of the richest men in the world has just won $47 million in the latest edition of the Texas State Super Lone Star Lottery. Musk who has more money that Europe, Bill Gates, China, Oprah Winfrey, Venezuela, Tom Brady, an…
TULSA, Oklahoma - (Satire News) - The Vox Populi News Agency has just announced that a homeless woman in Tulsa, has just won, one of the state's biggest scratch-off amounts ever. The woman, has decided to use the fake name "Taylor Swift," to prote…
MOOSE PENIS, Canada – (Satire News) – Two sisters from Vancouver, who have never, ever had a date, have just had their luck turned completely around. Willona and Papsina Giggenstick purchased a single lottery ticket at the Happy Harlot Sex Toy Sho…
KALAMAZOO, Michigan – (Fake News) – Noreen Goodweather, 24, dropped out of the 12th grade to help care for her 13 brothers and sisters. Her mother worked three jobs including being a prison guard at Kalamazoo State Prison. As her siblings got o…
NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) - The queen of MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, has learned from a White House insider that the President’s personal chauffeur has said that he is not going to vote for Trump. The chauffeur, who asked that his name not be used,…
In a story almost too unbelievable to be believed, the Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire's namesake, Mr. H Maguire of Manchester, has won the National Lottery jackpot this weekend. Mr. Maguire, whose first name - coincidenta...
London, UK - (Blighty News): An accounting irregularity at the UK’s Lucky Dip HQ is being blamed for paying out a grossly inflated lottery win to Harry, Britain’s self-styled Prince of Thieves. Auditors at the weekly electronic raffle said today t...
Here are the results of the weekly U.K. Health postcode lottery: Geoff Soup of Gloucester matched three numbers and won a kidney. Patricia Harlot from Essex got four balls and is eligible for a double vasectomy. Brian Cockburn of Ayr guessed...
Claiming that he was "sick and tired" of gorgeous, scantily-clad women surrounding him all the time, beer, expensive wine, outstanding restaurant food, open bars with cool ocean breezes flowing through them, and endless romantic evenings on the beach...
A lottery ticket holder has scooped the largest jackpot in US history, and it just so happens that the "mystery winner" is none other than US "President" Donald J. Trump. Mega Millions Group director, Gordon Mendacious, said, "The moment we've be...
A man taking a relaxing stroll along a public footpath at a local golf course in Hull on Saturday evening, received the shock of his adult life when, from a height of approximately 10 metres, a bird shit on his bonce. The man, Moys Kenwood, was wa...
Having "misspoke" about the cost of Labour's pledge to provide 10,000 extra police officers for England and Wales, Shadow home secretary Diane Abbott has exclusively revealed that the true reason for the gaff, was due to the formulation of a new poli...
For 59 years and 121 days Lamar Astroloam spent every single day of his adult life playing the lottery. For 59 years and 121 days Lamar got nixed. So desperate to win the lottery, during his tenure on earth, Lamar had sacrificed two iphones and a l...
Camelnot, the bankers for the UK National lottery have today announced a new strapline prior to increasing the number of balls from 49 to 59 in each draw. Their existing strapline, "Play makes it possible", is being changed, based on the new lower...
One Sunday morning in Spring, David O'Malley interior decorator living alone in a run-down apartment in New York woke from a royal Irish hangover and set about reviving himself. Long since divorced from a childless marriage he had been living alone for over twenty years in bondage to a life of routine hard graft, restless sleep and the ritual weekend binges with his work mates in The Black Sham...
There was a real 'feelgood' factor in Manchester today as 'Unlucky' Alf Tragic finally tasted a bit of good fortune. He's been electrocuted whilst brushing his teeth, due to a faulty wire in his fancy electric toothbrush, fallen down an unguarded...
Russell Brand is sick of the lottery being run purely by poncey squares, greedy plums and corrupt geezers, who cruelly and arbitrarily force people against their will to choose random numbers... In the vain hope that just on this one single, solit...
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