Derek Conway Receives Whipping From Cameron

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

image for Derek Conway Receives Whipping From Cameron
Whipping's too good for 'em!

Derek Conway, the Conservative MP who paid his son Freddie more than £40,000 to drink himself into a stupor at Newcastle University, has today been reprimanded and given a whipping by Tory leader David Cameron.

Mr Conway, the MP for Old Bexley & Sidcup, who also paid his other son Henry an undisclosed amount to "wipe his arse", was the subject of a report by MPs into the Lowering Standards of Practice amongst ministers.

Mr Cameron, trying desperately to deflect criticism of his party by lambasting Education Secretary Alan Johnson and former Secretary of State for Pink Ties, Peter Hain, for their "donations offences", said:

"Mr Conway accepts he has made an error of judgement. I shall now whip him."

A red-faced Mr Conway then dropped his trousers and underpants, and was thrashed in front of a full House of Commons. Laughter filled the Public Gallery, and the Labour front bench seemed to wince in anticipation of similar treatment that may yet be meted out on its members.

Mr Conway is not the only MP to pay members of his own family to do non-jobs. Labour's Roy Hattersley used to give his wife an allowance for 'cleaning up spittle', whilst former Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith had charges brought against him that he was paying his wife to play his trombone, though he was later exonerated.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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