Ryanair not interested in low fares

Funny story written by TheAcademic

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

image for Ryanair not interested in low fares
Airports, expensive rip offs

A team of GCSE Business Studies students from Basildon Comprehensive School have today revealed how they were sensationally snubbed by the company. The group of 14 & 15 year olds last week contacted Ryanair with plans to slash their overheads.

Group tutor Felicity Locket (39) explained the plans to TheSpoof.com: "Based on last week's successful landing of BA flight 038, a Boeing 777 in just 300 metres of the grassy apron at London's Heathrow, our students calculated that a 737-800, Ryanair's aircraft of choice, could conceivably land in 150 metres of short grass"

This means that Ryanair is able to cut out the "airport" element of its business model and land their aircraft on virtually any grassy site. Typical airport taxes for a European short haul route are £20 per passenger, based on Ryanair's estimation of 50 million passengers, this represents a potential saving of £1 billion.

Locket slammed the dismissive tone of Ryanair's response to the students' proposal which she claims "only sought to place obstacles in the path of the Basildon plan"

"They made all sorts of moany & pedantic comments about baggage handling, security clearance, air traffic control, plane maintenance and facilities before claiming that it is actually illegal to land a civil aircraft in an unlicensed site."

Angrily she continued, "These kids are our future and they've really had their spirits dashed by those Irish bugs. They simply couldn't give a flying fuck about low fares."

BA has however responded more positively to the proposal and plans trials of the scheme in the coming week. Friday Morning's scheduled Lisbon to Heathrow flight will be landed in grounds belonging to Stockely Park PFA, 35 minutes later. They expect that the Alicante to Gatwick arrival will successfully touch down on the turfed central reservation of the Crawley Arterial Road.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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