The Spoof writer causes Internet to crash

Written by Noshing Mink

Tuesday, 10 July 2007


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People all over the world did an Internet search for images of Jacqui Smith

The famous Google Internet search engine crashed yesterday under pressure from millions of researchers searching for a picture of new bombshell British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith.

Spurned on by a sexually provocative article by veteran Spoof reporter K.C. Bell entitled Cleavage in Parliament, which described Smith's "four inch cleavage", referred to her "spanking Gordon Brown" and displayed an erect Big Ben, millions of red-blooded men across the globe typed the words "Jacqui Smith" into a Google text box and hit "Search" at the same time.

The result was chaos. The Internet broke and nobody could get access to it for about half an hour. Emails didn't get sent and web pages did not download properly.

One married man described to us what happened.

"I was reading the Spoof website over breakfast as usual, and K.C. Bell's article piqued my interest. Purely out of research and nothing more, I visited Google and typed in "Jacqui Smith". The result was amazing. I was taken to a website at that had a broken link to an image with text underneath referring to "Adult Education". I knew she's a corker but I never knew she had taught sex education. Wow!

"I then went back to Google and did a search for 'Jacqui smith images labour', thinking that this would increase my chances of finding pictures of the lady herself. I added 'labour' to narrow down the search. I was horrified when this led me to hundreds of pictures of fat, pregnant women, some of whom were breast-feeding. Yeuch! That was when the Internet crashed and I was stuck with this disgusting image on my monitor for half an hour. It was only after the Internet rebooted that I realised I could have switched off my screen or looked away."

Of course, not everyone on the Internet at the time was searching for pictures of Jacqui Smith. One lady, who was chatting to a friend using MSN Messenger while her boss was out of the room, said: "It was all very inconvenient when the Internet went down. My friend and I were going out to a night club and I had just asked her what colour shoes she was going to wear when the Internet broke down. As a result, we accidentally both wore red shoes. It was so-o embarrassing, like it was the end of my life or something. I can never go there again. Am I going to be on TV?"

Meanwhile, a hospital in Africa reported a death after a surgeon went on the Internet to find out how to perform a routine tracheotomy.

K.C. Bell was unavailable for comment and a spokesman for the writer (believed to be male) refused to deny rumours of a follow-up article about Hazel Blears.

A message to K.C. Bell from men around the world: Go for it, dude!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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