Written by Shaun Ferguson

Sunday, 24 June 2007

image for Ruth Kelly Issues Home Information Pack Clarification
"Eee Eee"

Local Government Minster, and all round bint, Ruth Kelly has reacted to accusations that her Home Information Pack regulations are confusing and unworkable.

Under the proposals, all homes coming on the market from 1 August must have a Home Information Pack unless they have less than 4 bedrooms or 3 bedrooms and a study, or 3 bedrooms and a converted garage, or 2 bedrooms a study and a converted garage. And if they have less than 3 bedrooms, they will need one soon.

Kelly states that a Home Information Pack does not need to have a Home Condition Report although some providers will prepare one anyway and you do not need a Home Information Pack at all if you have ordered one and it hasn't turned up. Sellers will also need an Energy Performance Certificate, unless you are just letting your house, because European law only requires them once every 10 years and buyers are advised not to rely on Energy Performance Certificates anyway because, according to Kelly, they will be utterly unreliable unless the inspector picks up the floors and has x-ray vision to look inside the walls.

Kelly argues: "Home Information Packs will speed up the house buying process by slowing it down and the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors are a bunch of anarchists because estate agents get their fees even if a sale falls through and I should not be blamed for any of this because the whole thing was John Prescott's idea and he has never bought or sold a house because he gets them free from the taxpayer."

Asked by "The Spoof" how on earth her statement could be considered helpful, Ruth Kelly replied, "Eee Eee".

The above clarification is available for download in pdf format on the Government publications Web site, under the title of Home Information Pack Regulations Fourteenth Edition of Newly Revised Since Yesterday Orders (Clarification) Briefing Dissemination Bulletin Number 1125/6657/998855.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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