London - (Ass Mess): Cherie Blair has been hired by the Spearmint Rhino lapdancing club according to reports claiming she has shed 50lbs off her ass and had a face transplant.
The fifty three year old barrister will perform the starring role of Satine in the erotic club's own in-house version of Moulin Rouge! in an adaptation of Baz Luhrmann's 2001 burlesque spectacular.
As a cover for the rehearsals No 10 Drowning Street has issued a story that Cherie is in fact acting in a legal class action, challenging the July 1st ban on smoking in public places for seedy old porno strip-joint owner Dave West, proprietor of the Hey Jo club in Mayfair.
Depositions filed before the High Court in London allege that the tobacco ban is a 'cruel and unusual' infringement of human rights legislation permitting slow-death by nicotine poisoning for euthanasia enthusiasts such as barmen, club workers and catering staff.
Sources close to the Attorney General in London today are pessimistic on the action succeeding and believe Cherie stands a better chance of a winning Hollywood contract to play the Satine role in a re-make of the Luhrmannn movie than getting an old pornographer like West off the hook in the forthcoming smoking ban.