London- Cherie Blair has announced that all Muslims in England have had their Human Rights violated and she is going to represent them as she brings the case to the High Court sponsored by the taxpayers legal aid program. Mrs. Blair, or Ms. Booth as she likes to be known as in the courtroom, blames Margaret Thatcher and the entire Conservative party for letting it come to this.
Ms. Booth claims that the past Tory governments failed to stop Osama Bin Laden when terrorism was in its infancy. Ms. Booth stated: "Margaret Thatcher put a gagging order on Gerry Adams and all other IRA terrorists in the 1980's in an attempt to shut them up. She failed to do that with Muslim extremists which allowed them to start spreading hatred before my husband's government came to power. She should have been bombing caves in Afghanistan instead of trying to save some poxy islands off the coast of Argentina. Tony has given Muslims every conceivable concession possible, but it was not enough.
"Just because a few misguided souls blow things up, a whole community of a religious section is getting funny looks. Now everyone in the UK is fed up with hearing about Muslims. And that violates their Human Rights as one human being is not allowed to get fed up with another human being. If that were the case, Tony, I, and John Prescott would all be out of jobs and that bloody Gordon Brown would be running the country. How pathetic would that be?
"That is why I know the British taxpayers will be happy to foot my £18 million legal fee using legal aid and I will seek £100,000 compensation for every Muslim in the United Kingdom. Furthermore, Tony has assured me that any Muslims put in prison on terrorist charges, will be released, and entitled to the compensation.
"And if the UK courts do not cough up the compensation, then I will take it to the European Court of Human Rights where compensation and legal fees are much higher than here in the UK."
When asked if the court should stick to trying specific cases, Ms. Booth Blair retorted that all Muslims will have their human rights violated sooner or later, so we may as well compensate them now for future violations. She went further by stating that every Muslim coming to the UK should receive the £100,000 when they arrive and she would talk to Tony about it.
When Mr. Blair was asked about his wife's latest crusade he replied: "Look, I only pass the laws and appoint the judges. Cherie is the legal expert on what they actually mean and how to exploit them. Besides, that is a private matter for Ms. Booth. That is why she practices law under the Booth name so that she won't be given preferential treatment as the Prime Minister's wife when fighting these cases in front of judges that I appoint."
Ms. Booth Blair says she is totally dedicated to the cause and will not make the same mistakes of past trying to be "superwoman". For that reason, all the children will be going into care while she is fighting the case, Peter Foster will be caretaker looking after the Blairs' five properties, and Margaret Beckett will be paying conjugal visits to the Prime minister.