A final solution to the French problem?

Written by aningeniousname

Wednesday, 14 February 2007


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When I first approached the editor here at The Spoof with my idea for this editorial he dragged his wet bloodshot eyes up from the latest letter from his ex wife's lawyer and with quavering voice told me to "get the fuck out of my office and go waste some other cunt's time."

That's when I knew I had hit upon the proverbial goldmine.

Just what is it about the French that can raise temperatures sky high and have reasonable well educated men frothing at the mouth with loathing and barely disguised contempt.

Now those of you who have read my previous editorials will know that I'm a tolerant and well meaning man, happiest when meteing out some finely crafted nuggets of advice to my faithful readers or indeed simply sat at home polishing my extensive collection of civil war skulls.
But even the barest mention of the F word is enough to make me want to go on a well planned shooting spree in the nearest schoolyard.

Why is this? Is it the superior attitude? or the vast collections of mouldy rank smelling old milk they have the audacity to call cheese? Is it the ridiculous way they pretend to have their own language, (which by the way is only spoken when American citizens are within earshot)
I have pondered this question for over a week now and after long and careful deliberation I have come to the conclusion that the thing we hate most of all about them, the thing that really gets up our noses is the simple irrefutable fact that ninety nine point nine per cent of them are filthy, dirty garlic stained communists in league with not only the now defunct and underground soviet menace but also the crypto communist Islamic fascists now threatening our very way of life here on god's chosen continent.

So what is the "Final solution" to our probleme Francais.

To my way of thinking its simple enough, this might sound harsh and I know there's a whole lot of liberal scum out there that will castigate me for this.

But I really do believe the only way to solve this tricky problem is with the use of nuclear weapons.

Now I know this is a radical solution but for the sake of humankind I think it would be best to deal with these odour ridden rascals now before they have a chance to breed beyond the size of their already huge population.

Sure we would miss baguettes and the simple elegant tailoring of Mr Pierre Cardin, but I think any rational man who meditates on the problem as I have for over week now, will surely come to the same conclusions. I leave you to decide.

Cheerio, till next time readers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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