Builder Accused Of Finishing On Time

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Saturday, 18 February 2023

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Some rafters, yesterday.

The small, leafy hamlet of Aspergers Velodrome was rocked this weekend, when a local builder finished a single-storey extension on time.

Mary Butternut, who commissioned the work, was left reeling when she was unable to complain on Facebook about the impact on her mental health, not to mention her bank account, when Ben Savage finished her project on time and within budget.

The bedroom, with en-suite, was booked in to be completed by March 15th, and was to be finished in time for some 'friends' who were travelling down from Surrey, and were looking forward to staying in the purpose-built guest room.

Having finished the work well ahead of time, Ms Butternut is seeking damages from Mr Savage, citing 'loss of moanings'.

'I just feel let down', she told us, 'I asked Ben to undertake this work, fully expecting my rights to be respected. Finishing the build, and to such a high standard, has really robbed me of my desire to smear his name across social media and beyond! I also have no come-back on him, and will have to pay up, in full'.

'I can unequivocally recommend him to anyone, for any future building work. And that's just not right!' she said.

The last instance of a builder finishing a project on time was in 1746, when Arlo Rummager, 28, completed a 'servants restroom' in a fully established manor house in Chiswick. Rummagers reputation never recovered and he lived out his days selling horsemeat to a glue factory.

Savage was unavailable for comment, but is expected to issue a full apology in the coming days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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