Drowning Street - (DissassoCIAted Press): Police investigating the cash for honors fiasco removed several sackfuls of the Prime Monster's personal papers it has been revealed.
Among these were three gross of silver Rizla king size, one hundred red-back and a standard blue pack with most of the flap torn off in what cops thought must be a suspicious-looking clue of Downing Street recreational habits.
Blair is said to be furious because the nearest off-licence to sell rolling papers is over half a mile away and Special Branch now refuses to run any more dodgy midnight errands.
"We're the laughing stock of the Met", said PC Dave Skin-Up. "Night after night we're sent, fully armed, AK47s at the ready, to the nearest offie. Six Carlsberg Specials, three packets of skins, a dozen Mars Bars and an ounce of Old Holborn. Like, hello! Doesn't he know that Drum tobacco comes with its own rolling papers?"
As the cache was taken away for forensic examination the domestic finger of suspicion initially fell on young Leo Blair, aged 5, because all the elder Blair brats are away at college.
Cherie spent a whole hour lecturing the tot on the evil of drugs, convinced that he'd been perverted by Blunkett's bout of liberalism that downgraded cannabis to a class 'C'.
Lord Levy is 69.
