Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 30 December 2006

image for Labour sperm donors: new lapel pin and ear-tagging for honors recipients
Gong recipients with personalised badges

London - (Ass Mess): Easy recognition of cash-for-honors gong-winners has been announced today in the form of a lapel pin bearing the ancient heraldic symbol of the asshole rampant. Newly created Life Peers can also choose a personalised form of the badge, for instance the fistful of cash, the Prime Monsterial (tennis) racket or the offshore tax haven slush fund PO Box number emblazoned in brass.

A variation on the lapel pin under consideration is the ovine/bovine ear tag with easily accessible bar code that may be worn by local government workers and IT consultants honored for their work on the government's NHS computer.

Lord Archer will be offered the option of electronic tagging and this facility may also be something for Lord Levy to sport in the New Year once the Met has completed its bungs-for-honors probe.

Also under consideration are elements of the successful pet micro-chipping scheme which could be adapted to warn anti-terror police that Global Piss Process luminaries such as JK Rowling and Cliff Richards are in the vicinity of sensitive UK landmark buildings.

Civil servants are to get their own variation on the gongs emblem: the gagged-for-life-sinecure lapel pin showing Lord Levy astride the Sphinx, or a miniature signed copy of the Hutton Report.

The swastika remains a popular choice for recipients of House of Mountbatten adulation as does an enlarged diagram of the syphilis microbe, once so popular with Thatcher-era Hellfire Club grandees.

The new badge idea seems to be a huge hit already, especially in the MI5 spooky-tricks department where a senior official refused to admit or deny that the latest lapel status symbols contain a SatNav tracking device and automatic bank account scanning facility each time a wearer logs their pin number into an ATM.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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