Local woman to remain seated for rest of life

Funny story written by Danny Soz

Saturday, 23 April 2022

image for Local woman to remain seated for rest of life
Ms Danton pictured earlier

A 39-year-old London woman has told The Metro that she is going remain seated for the rest of her life after falling over on a daily, and, often, hourly basis.

Joanne Danton, a sales executive, said: "I've been falling over around five or six times daily ever since I've been able to stand unaided.

'I once fell over seventeen times in a twenty-four hour period while on holiday in Tenerife and I was on a sunlounger most of the time.

'To be honest, falling over has blighted my life and I'm constantly being turned down for jobs after falling over at interviews, even when I've been sitting down.

'I now propose to remain seated for the rest of my life to avoid constantly having to clamber to my feet using the furniture or other people to heave myself upright again.

'The only time I'll not be sitting down is when I'm asleep in bed, although I will have an office chair on wheels next to the bed in case I need to get up in the night for a wee'

It is estimated that forty per cent of women fall over at least twice a day, half of this number are in wine bars at the time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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