Village Claims Tier 3 Exemption

Funny story written by Joel Kaye

Monday, 30 November 2020

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Poshton, a Cheshire village in the suburbs of Manchester, is claiming exemption from the conurbation’s Covid Tier 3 status.

“We’re not really northern here, you know,” says long-term resident, Lady Bower-Reservoir. “One doesn’t watch ‘Coronation Street’. Whatever that is. Not allowed, I’m afraid. And, we’re much the same as Surrey, aren’t we?”

Then she returns to her manicured lawn and well-kept flower beds. “She knows where the bodies are buried,” says garden assistant Noah Warramean, whose skills were developed, as he describes it, at ‘establishments with a close association with Her Majesty’, after a career in pharmaceuticals innovation and distribution.

Asked why, after a highly regarded career, and with royal connections, he is working unpaid in Lady Bower-Reservoir’s greenhouse, Mr Warramean replies, with a nod to the flower bed, “She knows where the bodies are buried,” and murmurs something about ‘concrete foundation’ and ‘M6 bridge’, with a smile.

Lady Bower-Reservoir approaches and gives Mr Warramean some instruction, doubtless regarding the garden: “Button it!” Mr Warramean retires, as she says, “We need to travel up and down the country – for business, of course. How could we do that if we were locked up, er, down in Tier 3?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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