Sociopath and contributor of money to good causes Ebenezer Goodfellow has revealed in 'I am not a nice person' magazine that, this year, he will be sending his eight loyal staff members their P45s as part of his secret Santa.
'Yes,' said the ironically named Goodfellow, 'I will be letting my staff go at Christmas. None of them will know before then, so it will be a great surprise for them all, and when I am eating my joyless Turkey dinner for one from Aldi, it will give me great pleasure to think of them all in their tiny little hovels.'
Felicity Makeshift, Goodfellow's secretary for 20 years, said: 'The team and everyone know all of that already. The shock for Ebenezer is that we have all been able to find new jobs, and at our weekly zoom meetings, we discuss how none of used the miserly old skinflint as a reference.'