Security services have warned that the upcoming US presidential election may be hacked by 1980s comedian Russ Abbot. According to the CIA, Abbot has already launched millions of cyber attacks on the US over the last few years, mainly aimed at social media, and nobody has been able to prevent him. He is rumoured to be working for Vladimir Putin.
TheSpoof caught up with Abbot at a nursing home in Perineum-on-the-Scrote. He seemed aware of his surroundings, but was very confused. "I couldn't attack the Facebook millions of times, I'd have to be Cooperman to do that," he said, referring to his comic character who was a combination of Superman and Tommy Cooper, and appeared in his 1980s TV show "The Russ Abbot Show".
Abbot is also said to have interfered with the Scottish independence referendum in 2014, in the guise of his stereotypical Scottish character, See You Jimmy.
Comedy analyst Geoff Titter said, "You would have to be Basildon Bond to be able to hack social media like he is alleged to have done. Basildon was Russ Abbot's caricature of James Bond, who was a famous spy from films in the 1960s."
An unnamed spokesman from the CIA told TheSpoof, "This kind of hack is usually carried out by bots from some hostile power. It couldn't be Russ Abbot - he's so old that you have to explain all of his references. Which is just what the Soviet Union would want."