Animal Spies Care

Funny story written by Joel Kaye

Monday, 31 August 2020

image for Animal Spies Care

Sharp-eyed security officials have begun investigating links to foreign powers in our wildlife parks. Suspicions have fallen particularly on pandas.

“They are Chinese, aren’t they?” revealed Lady Flake (Home Office and Gardens). “What are they doing all day long with those sticks of bamboo? We have reason to believe they make them into flutes and send messages. I remember a man in Oxford St. who did that – made flutes, I mean. He wasn’t a spy. In fact, he was rather a nice young man. I saw him again in Camden. I was much younger then. No, I didn’t inhale.”

Headkeeper of Pandas at Fazakerley Wildlife Enclosure, Chester Zhu, said, “These pandas don’t even speak Chinese, or only with a Scouse accent, which has been outlawed by the Central Committee of the Party, along with double helpings of rice on orders under £10, without drinks. “

Beigeing is the process of adopting a pale brown colour scheme.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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