A whole generation of kids caught up in the Government's disgraceful and utterly sickening algorithm for downgrading exam results, will soon be handed 'Teacher and MP Report Cards'.
In a shockingly brilliant shake-up of the education system, EVERY schoolkid will be given 4 choices at the end of each term. A teacher or MP must score above 60% over the whole year, otherwise they will NOT BE PAID, and they will be 'Terminated'.
The report cards may look like this...
HOW DO YOU RATE YOUR CLASS TEACHER(S) AND LOCAL MP?
3- Don't Know (This will actually count as a 3-pointer!)
Some teachers and MPs are now getting really worried.
One teacher said, "We might have to start being nice to kids. We might
have to start taking an interest in their sad, pathetic, little lives."
An MP, who didn't want to be named, claimed, "This will be carnage. We'll be a dying breed. MPs might actually have to start working to earn their keep. It's a bloody disgrace. It'll be anarchy, I tell thee..."
Kids' spokesperson, Boris Johnson guffawed, "This should get rid of Mrs Sturgeon once and for all...muwhahaha!"