Written by Gareth Carpenter

Friday, 26 December 2003

image for Queen slams Anne in Christmas Speech
Princess Anne (pictured centre)

The Queen's Christmas Day speech was recorded at an Army barracks this year - because it was the only place where Her Majesty felt safe from Princess Anne's killer dog.

And Elizabeth stunned record television audiences on Christmas Day by launching a thinly veiled swipe at her daughter for owning Dotty, the pitbull terrier which attacked the Queen's favourite corgi on Monday.

"This year, I'm speaking to you from the Household Cavalry Barracks in Windsor, because I want to draw attention to the fact that there is a vicious hound at bay on the Royal Estate," said the Queen opening her speech. "She is accompanied by her pitbull terrier Dotty."

One Royal aide revealed Elizabeth was "most upset" that her favourite corgi Pharos had to be put down after the incident.

"Model car producers are saying they don't want ‘By Appointment to HRH' on their products anymore," he said.

However, the Duke of Edinburgh said the whole affair had been a "storm in a teacup."

When asked if he was worried about living in the vicinity of a dangerous bitch, Prince Philip replied: "I thought we'd got rid of Fergie years ago."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Christmas, Army

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