Yorkshire farmer decides to breed seals instead of sheep claiming he's not a 'sheepshagger!'

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 11 April 2018


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Who needs sheep in the Yorkshire Dales when you can have 'non-shaggable' Bull Seals instead?

Ramblers strolling the rolling hills of the Yorkshire Dales expecting to experience the legacies of the Bronte Sisters, Heathcliffe, James Herriot, and the Yorkshire Ripper,(Yes there are tourists who love a bit of bloody Yorkshire horror too with their Yorkshire Puddings!), have been confronted with a strange sight lately!

Instead of docile sheep grazing in the lush grass of the Dales; fully grown bull seals have been spotted slipping in and out of streams and rivers in the area! After reporting the sightings of these alien beings to the Dales, local Dale-Keepers were dispatched to find out why the hell they were there and not swimming and lounging near their natural habitat; the North Sea!

After visiting a local boozer, they found out why Bull Seals were now living in the area? They overheard an ex-sheep farmer, half-canned, boasting about his new found business; seal selling, not sheep-shearing or shagging!

The farmer, single, and without a female partner, whose visits to the pub for a pint or two, were turning into hell because other half-canned locals (it's normal in Yorkshire to be half or fully canned midday's) were constantly taking the piss out of him and accusing him of sheep-shagging instead of sheep-shearing!

This was too much to take so he flogged his sheep and purchased a herd of Bull Seals instead, who cannot be shagged! Their meat is sold to 5 star restaurants as a delicacy, and their skins sold to Eskimos to keep them warm in winter! In fact a win-win scenario!

His sheepdog has also been trained to round up the seals and swim! In addition, through a partner search site on the internet, he managed to attract an Eskimo wife to join him in the dales to look after his Flock of Bull Seals, prepare his seal-steak dinner, and even do the butchery!

So, who's taking the piss now?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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