After hearing all his East Nashville friends rave about the restorative effects of yoga, Trey Mulligan of Nashville, Tennessee, recently decided to check out a class for himself – only to wind up sticking his foot in his mouth.
“It was intense,” said Trey of the Ashtanga yoga class. “I was expecting it to be super chill and relaxing, but it was more like being in a New Age torture chamber. I was sweating like a dog, trying to follow the moves, and I guess my muscles were pretty limber. And, well, I ended up with my foot in my mouth.”
With a little laugh, he added, “I've done it figuratively any number of times, so I guess I was due for a literal foot-in-mouth experience. At least this time it wasn't in there for long.”
Unfortunately for Trey, however – and for the dedicated yogi whose mat happened to be situated to the rear of his – that wasn't the only foot-in-mouth experience of the yoga session.
"My memory's a little hazy," said Trey. "But as I recall, at one point we were down on all fours, and we were told to extend a leg backwards. Seconds later, I felt a tongue come into my contact with my big toe."
Disconcerted, he glanced back and saw that that tongue belonged to Britney Cooper, the limber young woman directly behind him. Britney was nonplussed, to say the least, to find that her mouth had suddenly become a receptacle for Trey's stinky, sweat-slick foot. “It was gross,” she said.
For Trey, however, the experience was far from all bad. “She was cute,” he said. "And flexible. Very flexible. And honestly, her tongue felt kind of nice on my toe."
Determined to make the best of the situation despite its awkwardness, he quipped to Britney, “You know, I never used to have a foot fetish, but maybe now's the time to start. Make it up to you over coffee?” He hastily withdrew his foot from her mouth so that she could respond.
He found to his delight that his laid-back approach had worked. Britney coughed a few times, swallowed hard, and smiled. “Sure, why not?" she said. "We've already exchanged body fluids, right?”
Their post-yoga coffee date went well, and Trey says that he feels great about having transformed his sweaty foot-in-mouth experience into romance.
"Foot plus mouth equals love," he summarized with a grin. "Do I got game or what?"