Cat Walks In On Man Masturbating

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Saturday, 2 May 2020

image for Cat Walks In On Man Masturbating
Mentally Scarred For All Nine Lives

In an incident in which both parties involved would like to quickly forget, Mike, a black and white 'tuxedo' cat, inadvertently witnessed his owner masturbating in front of his laptop.

"It was humiliating," said Duncan Whitehead, Mike's owner, "I don't know how long he was there, just watching me, judging me. He must have snuck into the house without me noticing. I will probably have to lock down the catflap now. I can't risk this again. He was just stood there; eyes wide open, staring. Next time I am going to have to lock him in the kitchen."

Mike is also traumatized. "I will never get over it. I can't unsee what I saw. I am not sure I can ever look him in the eye again. He was just sat there, laptop on his lap, the same lap I used to like sleeping on, jerking off. Wanking. Disgusting bastard. It will take years of counselling for me to come to terms with this. I really don't know how he thinks things will ever be the same again. Tosser, quite literally."

As of press time, Mike was blankly staring into space still unable to eat since the incident, while Whitehead was busy preparing an affidavit for him and Mike to sign, declaring that neither of them would ever discuss the incident. Ever. Never.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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