Norfolk - (Rotters): The UK bird flu pandemic reached new heights of hysteria today as the Department for Agrigulture, Fisheries and Flu ordered an immediate recall of all Easter eggs after traces of the deadly campylobacter H5N1 virus were found in a piece of turkey feather embedded in a Cadbury's Finger of Fudge chocolate egg.
The news follows horrible developments in Germany last week when a human fingertip complete with fingernail was found in a similar Cadbury's Finger of Fudge product and immediately ignited suspicions that an entire corpse may have been dismembered and secreted in products such as Ferrero Rocher's Ambassador's Specials.
So far no Easter eggs have actually tested positive for anything except for saturated transfats, hundreds of e-numbers, monosoddem glutamate, human spit, reconstituted earwax and quorn.
But the government is clearly taking no chances this time especially after a multiculturalism think tank recently warned that the traditional Easter egg is a huge barrier to inter-faith dialogue and should be replaced by a Halal alternative such as a sheep's eyeball.
