Whitechapel woman battered husband with TV stand to 'limber up' for Black Friday

Written by Clive Danton

Monday, 18 November 2019

image for Whitechapel woman battered husband with TV stand to 'limber up' for Black Friday

A 23-year-old woman from Whitechapel in East London told a court that she beat her husband with a television stand to get some practice for the hurly-burly, Black Friday melee in 11 days time.

Tracy Dell of Vallance Road, fractured the skull of her husband, Toby, with the stand, causing him to receive 12 stitches in a head wound during the incident at their home last Tuesday.

Mrs Dell told Horseferry Road magistrates court: "I wanted to limber up for Black Friday and thought it would be a good idea to give my hubby a few clumps with the TV stand to get my eye in, so to speak.

"If I'd known he was going to get blood on the carpet, I'd have done it in the front garden."

Mrs Dell was fined twenty-five pounds, and was bound over to keep the peace.

In December 2014, a woman from neighbouring Shoreditch killed her husband of 25 years with a mini-fridge, claiming that she was practising for the forthcoming January sales.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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