Labour MP Jonathan Ashworth has admitted berating his leader Jeremy Corbyn but, while he originally said he was “joshing”, he has now revealed that it was actually part of a Blackadder-style “cunning plan” to “lull the Tories into a false sense of security”. Misbelieving that there would be no threat from Labour, it was expected that all Tory candidates would stay home, drinking champagne and smoking cigars, instead of going out and canvassing votes for the general election on Thursday.
An election expert, Mr S. Baldrick, indicated that such a cunning plan might even have worked, if it wasn’t for the fact that not all Tory candidates are complete yoghurts. “It was inevitable that some or many would see through Mr Ashworth’s plan”, he said. “They might even have been inspired by the fact that Labour MPs hate their own leader, and campaign with increased fervour.”
However, some Labour MPs caught criticising Mr Corbyn behind the bike shed of the Labour Party HQ admitted they weren’t trying to lull anyone into any kind of security. “We just hate Mr Corbyn, because he’s a Marxist, an anti-Semite and a threat to our country’s national security,” one said.