Brian Asshat, of Chutney on the Fritz, has revealed, to no-one's great surprise, that he watches the Apprentice, just to feel superior about his own failings.
The train-spotter and consumer of cakes told us 'Imagine the pleasure I take in watching The Apprentice. Before I was 40, I had thirteen failed business to me, and two ex-wives, so I know something of what these fine, upstanding people speak, but unlike them, I can actually walk the walk, and talk the talk, my Journey is not over, and I have walked so many more miles in many other pairs of shoes'.
Felicity Dowager, Brian's close personal friend said 'Brian has many qualities, but modesty is not one of them. He is the biggest failure I know, and he wears it as a badge of honour. Imagine what a nightmare he would be if he was actually successful?'