Manchester United Dumps Ole Gunnar: “Action” Jackson To Take Reins

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 8 October 2019

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Manchester United announced today that manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has been fired, to be replaced by Jack “Action” Jackson, an American topflight manager who caught their eye last year after posting an undefeated season with the Anchorage Anchovies of the Pacific League in America.

Ole Gunnar’s career with Manchester United since he took over from Jose Mourinho last December has been tenuous. Sunday's 1-0 defeat to lowly Newcastle means it is just three wins out of 11 this season.

The rapture of fans who rejoiced proudly in the fact that Ole was at the wheel was short lived. He became the subject of memes and gifs mocking his seemingly directionless team. What started as the beginning of a beautiful relationship, turned to despair as the losses built up.

After insisting that the manager would be given time to try and turn things around, and that his job was not in danger, they secretly were sniffing around for a replacement.

Tottenham’s Mauricio Pochettino was thought to be the front runner. But that was a ruse to throw reporters off the trail of the American wunderkind, the irreproachable Jack “Action” Jackson.

The pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. Not since General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of Allied Forces in World War II, saving Britain from having to speak German, has an American been placed in such a lofty position of power.

Can the man some call Captain America live up to his challenge?

Slim: “You bet your sweet ass he can.”

Dirty: “He will have the team eating bangers out of his hands.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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