Ladies across the UK are toiling like crazy to knit a giant tea-cosy to cover the whole country. The enormous knitwear is intended to protect Britain in the event of a no-deal Brexit.
Women's Institute spokeswoman Menstrua Geoffcock explained, "There is a danger that Britain's economy will cool dangerously after Brexit, and many forecasters have warned of a deep recession. But a tea-cosy will keep it nice and warm. That's the idea, anyway."
Critics have ridiculed the idea of a tea-cosy being able to improve the country's financial state. Economist Hans Free explained, "The more accepted protection is to build giant lederhosen, just as Germany did after reunification. Two giant leather straps run diagonally south-east and south-west, beginning in Lower Saxony and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, meeting in Thuringia. Below there, Bavaria is snugly covered in a tight leather trouser. But perhaps Britain is too fat for that idea."
So far, over three square miles of tea cosy have been knitted, and are being stored in a shed in Chaffinch St Cock. The remaining 93,624 square miles are due to be completed by October 31, in time for Britain leaving the EU.