Letter From the Past Slates Destiny's Child Shock!

Funny story written by RJ Barker

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

image for Letter From the Past Slates Destiny's Child Shock!
Sir Oberon Mackrill-Sparkill shortly before his untimely death

The following is the text of a letter received by The Times (London) on March 31st 1934. The letter was sent by Sir Oberon Mackril-Sparkle and was prompted by a quirk in the time/space continuum that caused his Radiogramme to pick up a signal from 2004 and play him the entirety of "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child.

Dear Sir,

I feel I must complain about a song that I heard playing on my Radiogramme today. Although the wailing and quite discordant music was unpleasant I have come to expect this from the majority of so called 'Modern Music' (Swing, I'd like them to swing!) it is the Lyrics I found most objectionable and I feel, in the strongest way possible, that the BBC should curb this sort of foolishness now.

Firstly the Song mentions someone who is obviously of Chinee descent, although I have no problem with these people (in their place) I am sure that their place is not on the BBC. Why the young ladies should mention him in the same breath as the Reverend John Russel is beyond me. These young ladies then go on to be positively boastful about the fact they pay their own way. Although I am aware young people are somewhat enamoured with wealth these days - let us not forget it is only an allowance given to them By their husbands, it's not as if they actually do the work (God forbid!).

The idea presented later that a young lady may drive a car is quite horrifying and I am sure Times readers' will share my concern. I am glad to see that these young ladies are 'Rocking' and presume they refer to the beautiful hymn "Rock of Ages" but would it not be more delightful for us if they just sang that?

'Throw your hands up at me' they say. Well I do, in despair, and that these ladies are obviously aware of their shameful behaviour makes the song all the more sad and worrying. I myself am not surprised these ladies are so 'down'.

I have written a strongly worded letter of complaint to the BBC and hope other Times readers will do the same.

Yours sincerely

Sir Oberon Mackril-Sparkle

The letter was never printed but a copy was kept in the Mackril-Sparkle family archive who were kind enough to lend it to me. Sir Oberon died fourteen years after this letter was sent in a freak golfing accident involving him, a plantpot, several escaped Caribou and an amusingly shaped vegetable.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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