Edinburgh - Preparations were being made at Edinburgh castle today for a celebration of the 200th anniversary of Scotland becoming part of England in what is misleadingly referred to as the act of Union.
Before 1807 the civilised world ended around Carlisle until in an Act of Union England agreed to annex the fallow wasteland to the North.
Top English celebrities would be arriving and the table preparations were being finalised. Scotland's most famous couple, the Crankies, would be expected to make the toast for the evening pledging allegiance to the Crown, to alcoholism and to pasty skin.
Further celebrations marking the culling of Ginger beards, the outlawing of eating Haggis in public and the acceptance of male cross dressing will occur later in the year.
SNP leader, Alex Sadmand will not be attending the event as he is grounded without pocket money for not doing his homework.