Sunday, 11 November 2018

image for Theresa May ponders sacking entire army and using cheaper ghosts from WW1

On the hundredth anniversary of the end of World War 1, world leaders gathered in France to commemorate the event.

French president Macron said, "It is important that we remember the fallen, and that we ensure such a thing never happens again.

"Of course, we didn't get that part quite right the first time round, and after WW1 it did all happen again. But you know what I mean. This time, we'll make sure it doesn't happen again. Obviously, I mean, apart from all the other wars like Iraq and Afghanistan, but they're not quite the same as the world wars because we're fighting brown people and it's far away. Now where's my veal and cognac?"

UK Prime Minister, Theresa May, laid a wreath and made a similar tribute. However, later on she announced that she had thought up a new policy inspired by the day.

"When I was in that cemetery," said the grizzly-faced witch, "we realised just what a powerful image it is to think of all those who died. It would be interesting to see if we could tap into that instead of paying for an actual army."

She explained further. "If we were somehow able to actually summon the ghosts, they could be an effective fighting force. It would be like that scene in Lord of the Rings when the ghost army just swarms over everyone, then buggers off. Ghosts are clearly powerful fighters but have issues with discipline.

"They would have been useful to have had at Dunkirk - I wonder where they were then. Although, now I think about it, the soldiers maybe hadn't become ghosts yet, at that point. And also, I'm confusing fictional ghosts and real ghosts, based on a film that although impressive at the time is now quite dated and ridiculous on re-viewing."

It appears likely that May may make further cuts to military spending. In recent years, it has been reduced so much that, by 2020, Britain's entire defence force will consist of an elderly gentleman with a tin pot for a hat, wielding a rusty shovel.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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