As international pressure and questions increasingly mount on Saudi Arabia regarding the murder of critic Jamal Khashoggi, they have announced, through a third party, that everyone is sick today.
Clown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is said to have "severe man flu", while his brother, and Saudi Ambassador to the US, Khalid bin Salman, we're told, has "insufferable haemorrhoids."
Their father, known colloquially as King bin, is supposedly "enduring terminal diarrhoea", at the same time that Foreign Minister Adel al-Jabeir "has irritable bowel syndrome", while all othe people, apparently, have "really sore throats, and therefore cannot speak to the media today."
After initially denying all knowledge of Khashoggi's disappearance, despite having been seen last in their own embassy in Turkey, the Saudi regime has gradually adapted that story.
They firstly said "he definitely left the embassy alive", which was then accompanied by a further emphatic statement, saying murder accusations were "false and baseless", which was then followed by "yea actually he may have been killed, but by rogues", which evolved into "yea he was definitely killed, during a brawl and a fist fight", which then became an unequivocal admission that it wasn't just a killing but a "murder...which was a mistake."
They have yet to comment on, what is believed to be, their attempt to deceive the world with a body double of Khashoggi, that looks absolutely nothing like Khashoggi, leaving the embassy.
Currently-alive critics of the Saudi regime say "absolutely nothing. No chance."