Football Returns After Never Even Stopping

Funny story written by Talking Tic-Tacs

Saturday, 4 August 2018


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A football player.

Football returns today and up and down the country fanatical fans are rejoicing, even though it doesn't appear to have ever actually been away.

With the World Cup having started soon after the domestic season, then the International Champions Cup beginning soon after the World Cup, then the new domestic season starting during the International Champions Cup, the total time that football has been off our screens this summer comes in at about one hour. Although there may have been a highlights package of the Kazakhstan second division on Premier Sports within that hour.

Football coverage expert José Foothead believes the industry has grown to such a point that it's making fans delusional, "These fanatical fans are amused by so much football that they begin to lose grasp of reality. They firmly believe that old Bill Shankly saying that 'Football isn't a matter of life and death, it's more important than that'. This sort of thinking ensures they suffer withdrawal symptoms when, for example, Sky Sports News goes off for a commercial break, so imagine their turmoil when there's nothing but Bargain Hunt and golf on the television. Match and Shoot magazines can only appease them so far, seeing as they don't have an infinite amount of issues".

Fanatical football fan John Ball said "it's been tough without any football to watch, specifically for that half an hour on the 16th July, jeez, never again. It's difficult to watch anything nowadays with only Sky Sports 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 and BT Sport 1 and 2 and the BBC and ITV sometimes and Premier Sports and BEIN Sports and Al Jazeera Sports and Fox Sports and a meagre few more, it's slim pickings y'know?"

Fed up wives and girlfriends around the country are confused with one wife and girlfriend wondering "what the actual fuck is going on? I thought it was break time or summer holidays or whatever they call it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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