Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 23 July 2018

image for UK Heatwave Kills Grass
Rene (wrapped up) taking a temperature reading

As the UK baked in the sweltering hot weather yesterday, with temperatures in the high-90s commonplace, one woman told her neighbor that the grass was dead, like it was in 1976.

Madge Frobisher of Port Vale, a keen weather watcher, said:

"It's so hot, I think I'm going to melt!"

Madge's neighbor, Rene Popplewell, 86, countered with:

"It's so hot, it's like being on holiday - without the Germans, of course!"

Madge, not to be outdone, offered:

"It's so hot on my front path, you could fry an egg!"

Rene scoffed:

"Y'know, it's so hot in my garden, the paint's peeling off the shed!"

Madge was beginning to tire of the old bag, and said:

"The grass is dead. It's like 1976."

Ultimately, though, it was experience that counts, and Rene had plenty of that. Not only did she remember the hot summer of 1976, she recalled it as if it were yesterday:

"Aye! Ladybirds! There were loads of 'em! Millions! Billions! Trillions! There were so many, that I made a Ladybird Pie! So bloody hot!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: The Sun




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